I Lost Everything… So I’m Starting Over in Berlin.
Everything was supposed to be different. By now, I should have already been in the United States, working on my first feature film, building the life I had imagined for years. Instead, everything collapsed. I was too greedy, too reckless, and I trusted the wrong people. And instead of stopping when things started to fall apart, I tried to fix it with half-baked solutions that only made things worse. What followed was a brutal crash landing back in Berlin, a city I never wanted to return to.
This is not a polished story. It’s not a highlight reel. It’s the beginning of something real. I’ve been on the highest highs and I’ve drowned in the lowest lows, and right now, all I can think about is starting over. Completely. Wiping away everything and beginning again in the United States. But starting over isn’t beautiful. It hurts. It’s messy. It forces you to face things you’ve been avoiding for years. There are moments where you just want to shut everything and everyone out.
And then, unexpectedly, things shift. New people enter your life. Artists, entrepreneurs, a manager, people who don’t fit into the patterns you thought you understood. People who surprise you. And suddenly, there’s a different kind of energy. That’s why this isn’t just another weekly vlog about what I did or didn’t do. This is a raw, unfiltered diary. No staging, no pretending. Just the reality of a filmmaker who tried to play entrepreneur and fell hard, who struggles, who sometimes sinks into dark places, but also experiences moments of intense joy, unexpected connection, and new hope.
This first episode captures the beginning of that journey. The early days back in Berlin, picking up a camera, not really knowing what to say, just talking, just documenting. The first awkward steps of trying to build something again from scratch. Walking into places that feel different, like a bar that isn’t just a bar, but a space where entrepreneurs, investors, and artists collide in a way that almost doesn’t exist in the typical German environment. A place built on a vision that immediately pulls you in and makes you want to contribute.
At the same time, there’s the reality of building something new. No big investors, no safety net, just long nights, constant work, and the pressure of trying to make something meaningful out of nothing. Cutting projects yourself, managing chaos, pushing forward even when there’s no clear outcome yet. In Germany, that kind of hustle often feels out of place. Working weekends, going all in, living in that constant drive to build. But that’s the reality if you want to create something different.
There are also the quieter battles. The mental side. The weight of being stuck in a place that doesn’t fully resonate with you anymore. The moments of depression, of questioning everything. And then finding small tools that keep you going. For me, that became the gym. Not just training, but survival. A way to clear your mind, to regain control, to stabilize yourself when everything else feels uncertain. It’s something people don’t talk about enough, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to fight back against those lows.
At the same time, there are moments of connection that remind you why you’re still pushing. Meetings with people who share a similar mindset. Conversations about building platforms that actually inspire others, that help people believe in themselves again. Encounters with artists who choose to express themselves in their own language, even when it would be easier to follow the mainstream. People who care about meaning, not just output.
And then there are days that feel almost normal. Walking through the city without headphones, trying to reconnect with your surroundings. Feeling the wind, observing people, noticing details you usually ignore. Trying to find some form of presence again. Those small moments matter more than you think when everything else feels unstable.
This episode also shows glimpses of what’s being built behind the scenes. Early collaborations, creative projects, ideas that won’t even fully exist for years yet. Recordings, meetings, preparation for shoots, assembling teams, creating something step by step without knowing exactly where it will lead. It’s messy, it’s uncertain, but it’s real.
Looking back, there was a time where everything felt completely different. Moments of success, experiences that seemed far away from where things are now. But losing everything doesn’t have to be the end. Sometimes it’s the reset. Stripping life back to the core and starting again, not as a failure, but as a new beginning. Because as long as you still have people around you who believe, who dream, who support you, every crash becomes something else. Not an ending, but a reminder that there’s still something worth building.
This is just the beginning of that journey. From Berlin to the United States. From failure to rebuilding. From uncertainty to something new. My name is Phil, and this is Schnitzel Goes to Hollywood.
If this resonates with you, subscribe and follow the journey. Let me know where you’re watching from and if you’ve ever had to start over in your life.
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